'Pinkalicious' Pinkerton Must Be Stopped

Every Tuesday, my daughter brings home a book from the school library. For the last several weeks, it’s been a story about a beady-eyed little girl who loves pink, hates listening, and likes to dunk on her brother.

Pinkalicious, written by the Kann sisters, is about the Pinkertons and their spirited daughter navigating a never-ending list of mishaps. Each of them avoidable, if she listened to anyone other than herself. 

In the book, Pinkalicious, she eats too many cupcakes and turns pink. In Silverlicious, she snatches her brother's cookie mid-meal, loses her tooth, and complains about every single gift the tooth fairy brings her. In Emeraldlicious, her magical wand stops working until she learns to speak with love. Do you notice a pattern?

If self-inflicted drama is a theme, tantrums are her superpower as she routinely whines and cries her way into getting exactly what she wants. In her world, sugar is God, vegetables are bad, and she’s never wrong. It’s a level of delusion I haven’t seen since LuAnn DeLesseps went to rehab and returned a cabaret star.

Though my biggest concern is that she rarely faces any real consequences. She ate seven cupcakes, and all she turned was pink? Has this family ever heard of cavities? How about gout? But she's mastered some sort of sorcery, spinning one day of gluttony into a podcast, television show, and 90-book catalog.

Actually, the next book should be called Blackilicous, where her long-lost auntie—me—explains narcissism, what it means to be grateful, and the danger of cutting her own hair.